8 things Girls love about Gay Guys

                       

Here it is, the inevitable blog post about what girls love about gay guys. You can absolutely take it for granted that if you are a female and we are buddies I have most definitely taken inspiration from our relationship (some more then others obviously) It's common knowledge that girls love gay guys. Unless of course they're weirdly religious then that can some times get in they way. I see you religious sallys laughing behind your hands at my bitchy put down, don't hide it, don't hate.  God loves all, apart from me according to you.  

1 Gossip

It's true, we are gossip whores and we accumulate all the most juicy ripe gossip and keep it in our man bags ready to divulge at our next cocktail get together. Gay guys not only love gossip but people tend to gravitate towards us to unload there own gossip to our ears. God knows why, we will spread that shit all over town.  We don't tend to do the traditional, ‘wait till you hear this’. Us gays like to jazz it up, we like to add a undertone of bitchy and witty to our gossip fest. ‘Dave pulled out of soccer practice again and if Mary is telling me the truth, that's not the only thing he is pulling out off. Pause for effect and continue to discuss, in indecent detail, Dave and Mary’s sex life.

 2 Witty & Bitchy

What Bianca Del Rio famously called her ‘rolodex of hate’ is embedded into the majority of us gays. Some more then others. I had a little bit even.  Ok, more then a little bit, I'm made up of it, it's what fuels my life. Nothing cheers a fag hag up more then a couple of bitchy put downs from her best gay. Some girl did something atrociously despicable towards you? Why just show me a photo and let me pick a fault to cheer you up darling. Gays are bloodhounds for sniffing out a weakness or flaw in another human and can turn it in to a hilarious put down in 2.3 seconds.  Why not make something that makes you feel bad and turn it into something that makes others smile for a while? It's the essence of comedy, someone is always made fun of and people are far too serious.  In more recent years, I try to tone down the bitchiness but sometimes it comes flooding out towards those who cause pain to those I love.  Believe me, sometimes its best not get on my bad side as i will read you a bitch.  Joking.  No I'm serious.

3 Fashion sense and general shopping

Nothing gets more done then a gay and girl bent on shopping until they are broke. Have]ing a keen fashion sense is generally thought to be part and parcel of being gay, I am here to tell you that is simply not true i know many a gay man who cannot dress a salad. I am not one of those gays, clothes are my drugs. Myself and my shopping favourites: (Sinéad, Elaine and Jessica) have it down to a fine art. ‘ How does this look on me?’  ‘ Like you'eer a basic bitch, put that shit down’. ‘Does this top make me look fat?’. ‘OH MY GOD A TALKING BEACHED WHALE’.  Honesty is what is important when it comes to shopping. Famously guys will never say if something looks terrible on a girl. My friends and I do not have that trouble. Its about looking out for your friends, and more importantly, looking out for yourself. No one wants to walk the streets with someone who dresses like a extra in Show Girls. 

4 Gay Spotting

A new attractive male has started working in your work place. Quick, what is the first thing you do? Why send a picture, link, website to your gay friend to quickly judge and intuit if he is also a homosexual. I get this all the time. It is time for me to be honest, i have a terrible gaydar. Unless they are extremely overtly flamboyant and come with a neon ‘I’m a bum boy’ sign, I can never tell. Do i let my friends know this simply truth? No i make a quick judgement and say ‘ oh yes he is obviously a star fish tongue puncher my darling how did you not guess.  I'm probably wrong, but as I'm gay people tend to think i know what I'm talking about, the fools. 

5 Lady Problems 

This point does not count for a lot of my friends but it does for females in general. I don't know why but females like to tell me about their lady problems aka that time of the month. I won't lie, this is not a good thing or something I enjoy hearing, but it is something that's unavoidable. ‘Oh are you OK? You seem down?’ ‘Oh thanks for asking, I am bloating as I'm on the blob and had stabbing pains all night’. Cheers a simply I'm OK would have done, after all who wants to hear that shit? No one. People hate when you unload when they ask you that questions, consider it rhetorical. No one cares, the only appropriate respond to are you OK is, "yes fine"  Ladies take this as a hint, i really really really do not want to know. 

6 Insider knowledge on boys

Again, probably a common misconception but a funny one all the same. Girls tend to think that you have insider knowledge of how straight guys minds work. This obviously comes from the train of thought that you are a man and you date men, when in fact it is simply not true. We date gay guys, and their minds work completely different the majority of time. Do we ever say that? No, we say things like, oh Mary, maybe Dave really has been at soccer practice all every evening this week and that's why he never returned your call.  Truth be told, we are in the same boat and the only advantage we have is that we are the same sex and know how the body parts work better.  Mostly anyway.

7 Compliments 

Having a bad day? Why let me throw a simple compliment on your hair today to cheer you right on up.  It costs nothing and it might turn someones day around.  This I do when I can as I truly feel we can boosts someone's confidence slowly by endorsing things others do well. By this i do not mean, going, ‘Oh Mary, that hat that is fab: an umbrella is so on trend, i love it, adorable on you!’. This is fake as shit and will give Mary the idea that buying a hat in a gift shop is truly a fashionista move and she will continue to do so. Yes this would be hilarious but poor Mary will never get a call back from Dave this way.  A simple. "that scarf is really nice2 will do. Try it, people will instantly warm towards you. 

8 Share Clothes

These days, clothes are becoming more and more gender neutral. This has become painfully obvious when Jessica and i  turn up wearing matching outfits coincidentally. No i do not mean i was in a dress, i have not crossed that line yet. ( although i do buy female skinny jeans) This means girls love the idea of sharing clothes. This has reached the new level of my bestie Sinéad inheriting some of my clothes for her own. (As the proof reader of this blog, she would like to offer the most profuse thanks for the blue checked shirt she is currently sporting) 'Sinéad Harrington Quote 2014'.

Recent Shopping Trip ( the one I'm best at)