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Showing posts from 2015

Thinking of doing a Secret Santa...

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Is it me, or has the entire city of London turned into one giant christmas market? Its almost to the point where instead of arranging a festive afternoon as the usual winter market novelties such as ‘winter wonderland or Winter Ville’ you cannot walk 5 metres without stumbling upon some thrown up wood log town bursting at the seams with mulled wine lodges and ring toss games.  Anywhere the path was once big enough to fit two people side by side without invading each others personal space now houses a frankfurter shed belting wizard on repeat while fake snow is spat in your face like an angry penis.  Its fucking everywhere and I fucking love it.  While battling your way through the crowded streets, filled with half inebriated tourists swaying you may suddenly find yourself full of the christmas spirit. Know this, you need to keep your wits about you. There is a danger that is growing stronger and bigger every year and it pops out of no where and comes in new forms and place

Things that are currently on my mind - Justin Bieber

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  I can no longer hide my frustration with Justin Bieber. No This little bleached twat needs a right good telling off. How bloody dare he. Let me tell you what I am currently mid way through plotting. I to want book a connection flight, low cost, indirect to Los Angele's possibly stopping 3 times, once in New York, once in Seattle and then one final grueling stop over in Sacramento before hitting the Tarmac in LA. I will wait around for 1 hour tediously awaiting luggage to arrive on the conveyor belt. After stopping for a latte, I  will get on a bus to Hollywood boulevard as taxis are totally over priced. Once there I will  sneak onto a Hollywood hills tour by hiding inside a Chinese ladies handbag as we both know it's bound to be big enough. I will do a complete tour firstly, as lets face it, its going to be super interesting and I am bound to get enthralled by the witty tour guide Katy. On the second time round, as so

Welcome to our house share

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One of the most soul destroying things you will ever do by far, in my humble opinion, is flat hunt in the bustling city of London.  Its not truly the process of moving that annoys me and deters me away from it, its the looking. More than the looking, its looking at ads online.  Is there anything less appealing? I’d rather be stabbed in the eye than look through any more ‘try hard’ ads by pretentious assholes with a fondness of kittens. Lets run through the kind of gold you would genuinely come across on a daily bases. No comedic license needed here.  The following will contain actual exerts from real life ads I have come across over the last few weeks online.   ‘Hello, bonjour, Guten Tag, Hola’  Why the hell do you have to say hello in so many languages? Are you trying to force feed me the obvious facts here, that the house is bi-lingual? That the house mates could cast an entire advert for the united colours of fucking bennetton? Piss off and choose one word.  ‘SPAC

Cash or Card?

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Gone are the days when would I would willingly waste precious time locating an ATM machine to supply me with my cash needs to fund night outs.   I am one of the those early adapters to go by card, and card alone. I am that annoying customer bar staff hate, who wanders up, hands in my pocket, requesting various drinks of different varieties to suit my friends miscellaneous tastes, pointing out the right concoctions, pointing at the drinks he just served asking me to repeat for the third time which one was which. I then thank him and pull out my bank card, give it a little wave in the air to indicate I would like to pay by this method.  He then rolls his eyes and slopes off to stand patiently behind the other staff member who is currently trans-acting on the one card machine of the entire bar for another person in my group.   By now the bartender truly wishes me harm and as he not only has to spent extra personal time with me waiting for the machine to print the receipt bu

Can we dance?

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It was Christmas just passed that over drinks it was discussed the then up and coming, now gone and past, the wedding of my brother Shane and his now wife Roslyn and whether or not the grooms should choreograph a dance routine to perform at the wedding afters.  Over a few to many drinks, it was agreed upon that it was an absolute certainty this would take place, with yours truly nominating myself to decide upon the music and choreograph the routine and teach it back to the groom and his groomsmen.  In theory this seemed an easy task.  The reality is that I live in London. Far from the rest of the grooms of the majority of live in my home city of Cork in Ireland. Distance in regards to time to practice would be an issue. What harm sure, we can do it for a couple of days before the wedding. There will be plenty of time I assured myself.  We will get it down.  The second issue with this. I a self declared Gay man who’s out and about and partial to a bit of a boogie on a

Did we think it through?

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If a chap came up to you in the local boozer this evening, struck up a conversation about this and that, and the topic settled upon love and marriage and for instance the innocent stance on marriage was brought up with the usual, would you ever malarkey. A throw away comment once loaded with undertones was aimed in your direction with the octave going up on the final word to suggest its a direct question which you now must answer. ‘Is it even Legal for you to get married?’. Images are immediately drawn up of the most recent public referendum, the controversial stand the no side of the campaign choose to to use, the smear posters completely off topic cleverly used to confuse those in the public who had not yet formed an opinion. The emotional win, which got worldwide attention, the personal win all homosexuals in Ireland felt and the true acceptance which comes with it.  All fine images if you ask me and part and parcel of what just happened. You could divulge these you could

Not a Pot to Piss in

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It comes with great sadness and regret that I write this post.  Once again I let myself fall victim to one of life’s worst case scenarios. A scenario played out by many of you out there, even on a daily base. You are so brave to go through it. This post is written in reflection.  I am a survivor. I hope to never to be exposed to the trauma and panic, I lived through that day.  My name is Ray and I boarded a train with a full bladder. Here is my story. What can I say? I have been blessed with a fully functioning strong willed and at times unstoppable bladder control. Countless friends I have come to know are not so lucky.  It is this reason that I tend to skip the customary bathroom check before heading out on a long commute.  I should have known better given my friends around me seem to have bladders the size of a peach pit.  I was caught unaware. Its a common story, told many times over. You know yourself;  I was out for a few Jars with some friends. Time came to make my wa

It's about Equality

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On May 22nd, Ireland will vote in a referendum that chooses whether to pass and legalise gay marriage.  By now, you will have seen numerous articles, press releases and statements from public figures preaching the importance of this up and coming referendum. I am not one for being serious.  I am a firm believer in taking the Mick out of situations in order to lessen the emotional burden of the harder parts of life.  This topic however is very close to my heart. So I will try.  All I want to do is tell you my point of view. If you vote, which side you choose, is up to you.  What are you saying yes too? There seems to be a great deal of confusion as to what this vote will actually mean.  I want to break it down.   Saying yes, means you want to give equal right to those born homosexual as those heterosexual in regards to whether they can get married. Personally speaking, I am a 27 year old man. Just like the majority of my friends, I have no idea if I will ever get married.

Where are my shoes?

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For me personally I rarely make a purchase of shoes online. I'm a in store kind of guy out of sheer necessity. I am the person that is all different sizes when it comes to shoes. What size shoe are you? You might ask me. That depends what shoe we are talking about. Are we talking a boot, a loafer, are we talking trainers because if we are that makes it more complicated.   See what I mean. So buying shoes on line, for me is far too long. What if I get the wrong size? No one wants the hassle or returning a online purchase.  For this reason I usually stick to the store purchase. I say usually, because recently like a fool I did the dog and tried to buy online again.  Its the lure of a bargain that wipes my memory temporarily. I love a good bargain. Come on who doesn’t?   There I was minding my own business when I was browsing Amazon, as I tend to do a lot of the time.  Chances are, if we are texting back and forth. I am on Amazon the entire time. ‘I think I mig

Drink alone 2

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So it was pointed out almost a millisecond after I posted my previous blog, I had excluded a fundamental activity in today's society. Whats your view on drinking alone? Shout out to Michael who brought it up first. Shockingly, it was not something I thought of and thus never became part of what i wrote in my previous blog post ' Going it alone'.  From this fruition comes part two.  Drinking. I shall break this down into a couple of sections to discuss my thoughts on this *sips glass of red wine*. Joking. I never sip. I gulp. Home Alone For a lot of people, they like nothing better then getting home. Kicking off there shoes, loosening there ties, pouring a glass of wine, or popping a cap off a beer, and relaxing, either in the bath or in front of the TV for a few blissful hours. Some R&R time. Some me time.  Some take it further and hook a IV of vodka straight to there veins and turn on hardcore pornography. To each there own. Personally I don't drin